A little back history on how God led me to the name of this blog, Leaning on Her Beloved and strengthened me with courage to begin writing during the hardest season of my life.
While mentoring with a blogger I respected, I stumbled across the idea that maybe I needed to get really transparent about my life and struggles as a wife and mother to help others. I felt like this was the right path for me and was instantly given a name for the blog that surprisingly was available…Leaning on Her Beloved (leaningonherbeloved.com).
I bought the domain in October 2017 and did absolutely nothing else with it.
Fast forward 10 months to when we lost our Lily on August 4th, 2018.
It was in those late hours at the hospital that I realized I had a lot I needed to share…and in the days that followed as Mama after Mama brought meals and encouragement to our home…I realized they had a lot to share too.
I knew I needed to move closer and closer to my Savior. The one who could carry me through the grief and who could bring healing to my heart. I knew that as I healed, I could share with others to help them find healing too. I also realized that I had a lot of healing that needed to be done from multiple wounds that had been inflicted on me (and by me) throughout my life.
When I read through the messages from friends on Facebook after we posted about Lily’s delivery…I saw one that immediately leaped off the page…it said, “Lean on Him, let Him hold you and carry you through this.” I thought…oh my goodness, I have a website called Leaning on Her Beloved…
And then I started praying and trying to decide if I could really do this. Do I have anything to say? Can my story really help others? Would anyone else want to share? I am just beginning this journey toward healing, why would anyone want to hear from me?
As I looked for scripture to include, I was absolutely shocked and amazed at what I found today. You see, when I chose Leaning On Her Beloved as our domain, I had absolutely no clue there would be a Lily or that I would use that domain to write about this journey toward healing. It just came to me and was available so I jumped on it. I had read the scripture a few years back, but not recently.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I decided to look up the scripture about I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine and found that it said this, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies.” Song of Songs 6:3 ESV
Lilies…are you kidding me, Lord?!?! You will have to read Lily’s Birth Story to understand how her name came to be and also see how God lined up the verse before this one with her story…but, seriously, only God, the great Author of our entire story could have put this all together so beautifully. I truly wanted to cry when I read that and shout from the rooftops!
As I began to write and share, some recurring themes have continued to emerge that I must continue to explore.
First, the traumas in my life did not begin with my sons birth. They originated many years ago when I the first wound was inflicted on my heart. Each wound has shaped and directed my life in a negative (and sometimes positive ways once healed), so those stories will also have to be shared here.
Second, the experiences of my life have shaped me as a wife and mother. To be the best that I can be for my family, I must begin a journey of healing from the inside out. I want to share that journey as well so that you know you are not alone when it gets hard to keep moving forward.
Finally, I will be sharing the good and the bad. Marriage, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Freedom in a Covenant Relationship, Parenting, etc. It is possible that stories may trigger you if you have experienced abuse or loss…but, I will do my best to give a warning when I feel it is possible.
All in all, I hope to honor our Lord and our little Lily by sharing our stories here and allowing a space for others to share as well. I believe we need each other and our gracious Lord to fully bring healing.
Please feel free to email your story to me or fill out this page…I would love the opportunity to share your story and to give hope to the next mother who is faced with unspeakable tragedy.